Well well, stranger...what do we have here. I'm back from my stay in hypersleep and am relieved /ravished/famished to be back. Not 30 anymore and no longer in Korea, I've got a real job (a career even!), a spouse, a house and a new baby. I feel like it might be time to get back into some writing. Yeah, life is filing me with existential crises again. Not on account of anything that I have in my life now: I love my partner and my baby and am most pleased with. Rather, my issue is with what I do. I'm a teacher. And that's a pretty great job; holidays are amazing, the work day is very reasonable and I even like some of my students. Salary is good. Benefits are even better. So what could be the problem, you ask? Well, it feels like a few things.

First, it doesn't excite me. I know, I know, work for the vast majority of the world is not excitng, and they don't have the benefits that we teachers. True, and maybe I've watched too many movies in my time, but I like to feel thrilled by what I do; because it's physically hard and grounding, becaus it's cutting edge in terms of ideas, because it opens new doors in my mind I hadn't been through yet (or didn't know were there). To me, the pragmatic realities of school are sensibly the same as they were 20 or 30 or even 50 years ago, despite the changes in technology and fashion: teach your curriculum, manage the behaviour of 20-30 teenagers, correct, plan, photocopy, be on time. And note, that by fashion, I mean the fashion of what is acceptable and desirable as much as the fashion of clothing and appearanc.

Second, the lack of intellectual rigour and stimulation. There is no improving, because every step forward requires an disproportionate amount of paper work and effort (like a not-salmon swimming upstream). Also, people at work seem either stuborn, set in their ways or just stupid enought to not understand the progress involved in an idea. It doesn't fire people up. I really want gainful employment that pays me well and ttreats me well for doing intellectually stimulating work that is sharp and critical, constructive and productive.

Thirdly...was there a third thing?   I'm full into wingeing mode now. I want more say in what I do. I want more flexibility to spend time and or effort on the projects I'm interestd in. I want those pojects to amount to something, to go somewhere. I want an ecclectic variety of projects. In trying to obtain a house and some level of financial stability, I seem to have sacrificed all my values , the ones I was so proud to posit to the world on the topic of using one's life, using one's time and being an individual in relation with the world around you. I'm feeling that I'm letting time go by when I should start taking my own advice. But now, this can't be reckless, because I have a family and responsibilities.

It seems that my use of this blog may, in fact will, in large part be to clear my mind of upsetting thoughts by getting them out on paper. Digital paper.